Last night, I was riding some emotional waves. I was feeling very sensitive. While I was chanting last night, somehow, I realized that last night I did not have the will to ask Krishna to show me any more miracles, any proof of His existence, etc. I realized that I didn't need to beg for that. The first thing I need is to have faith in Him. So I begged for faith. I begged for love. I begged Him to smear my eyes with the ointment of love.
"Only a person whose eyes are smeared with the ointment of love can see the beautiful form of Sri Krishna." Bhagavad Gita Purport, 11:50
"I worship the original Personality of Godhead, Govinda, whom the pure devotees, their eyes smeared with the ointment of love of Godhead, always observe within their hearts. This Govinda, the original Personality of Godhead, is Syamasundara with all transcendental qualities." Brahma Samhita, 5:38
So rather than begging so much for Krishna to prove Himself to me (which He has ALREADY done so many times before, yet the mind is stubborn), last night I just wanted to concentrate while I chanted and pray for devotion and faith. In the middle of my round, I felt like Krishna wanted me to open up my Bhagavad Gita. So after my round, I did, and it opened to a verse about the 3 modes of passion. 2 verses were there on the two pages I opened, and one stressed on the mode of goodness. Maybe Krishna wanted to show me those verses because I was having some emotional trouble and He wanted to remind me to keep calm about it, and not take my frustration out on someone else? Perhaps.
Later, at night before going to sleep, a "Hare Krishna" tune was going on in my head. So I went to my room, and closed the door, and I began to sing and dance for Krishna. I just felt SO much bliss! A little later, I raised my hands and danced. Somehow tears started to flow. Now I don't know if it was because I was having an emotional day, or if it was because of the kirtan. Whatever it was, the one-man kirtan I was having was taking me to Vrindavan. I kept my arms raised and I danced and sang for a few minutes, and I let myself cry. Then I got into bed and I whipped my mobile phone out, connected to the Internet and read a few articles about Krishna on www.krishna.com. There was this fantastic article about Lord Chaitanya (click here to read). It just had me captivated. On the site, there was a picture of Krishna and Yashoda Maiya. I don't know what happened to me, but when I saw it, I cried. It was so unusual. I saw the rope in Yashoda Maiya's hands and I thought, I want to bind Krishna, and I want to be bound by Him too. I don't even know why I cried but that's all I remember thinking...
[caption id="attachment_604" align="aligncenter" width="500" caption="Source: www.krishna.com"]
[/caption]Every now and then, Krishna gives me a glimpse of what it would be like to be a "full-time devotee". If you have read my older blog posts, you may have noticed that I stress on asking Krishna for devotion quite a bit. The reason is this. Whenever I have asked Krishna to give me faith, He gives me glimpses of what it would feel like to have strong, unflinching faith in Him. The bliss you feel just makes you want more and more and it encourages you to work harder towards achieving it. It makes you literally want to put your heart and soul into studying about Krishna and making everything in your life just about Him. Long ago, I asked our beautiful, merciful Lord to give me devotion, to plant that seed of devotion in my heart. On one particular day, I was in the public bus, waiting for the bus to get going (it was break-time). I was obsessed with the Brahma Samhita around then. So while I was waiting, I was just thinking of the Brahma Samhita, relishing each line (at least the ones I could remember). Tears began to form in my eyes. Why? Simply because I knew at that time, in my heart, that there was a God, watching over me and loving me. Just the fact that God exists, and He knows me and He loves me filled me intense peace. I thought, at the time, that I had simply asked Krishna to give me some bhakti, and here He was, pouring tears into my eyes, letting me taste this bliss that comes from His love. I had merely asked Him to plant the seed of devotion in my heart, and He did. All I had to do was ask. That's all I had to do. Ask. I remember thinking that this is what it must feel like, to always be absorbed in loving thoughts of Krishna. I wish I could be like that all the time, and always feel the bliss that so far, have been whispers in the wind. Wouldn't it be fantastic to always be blissful like that? Bhakti Bliss.
Srila Prabhupada often stresses on desire. In order to know God, to find God, to see God, all we need is the desire and thirst for God. God always comes for those who call. So call out to Him. Be confident that He will protect you, and He will provide for you. His will reigns supreme, so we must never forget that. First, let us cultivate a desire to know Him. We should ask Him, in a humble and submissive mood, to give us bhakti, to engage us in devotional service, to give us love of God. We must then surrender to His will, for the Lord knows what is best for us. In that surrender, we must trust the Lord, for He will always do what is best for us. He will never let us come to harm and He will always protect us. He has promised us this. And Krishna will definitely definitely keep His promise.
Govindam adi purusham tam aham bhajami
Wow! You have been so blessed, Drainpiper!
ReplyDeletei am so happy for you.
It's really too much to be a coincidence, but i replied to one of your comments on my blog (The Abolisher of Fear post) on the same lines. And, that too before you posted this.
That Krishna made me do that then, and He Himself inspired you to such bliss is just wonderful! :)
Speaking about chanting, thankyou so much for inspiring me to do it. It's so nice. :)
Krishna's really up to something, isn't He? We're having so many coincidences!! PLANNED coincidences, I should say!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad that you like chanting! I stopped chanting in the middle and I have started again now. Tell me, how do you feel when you chant? I'm not fortunate enough to taste the nectar of chanting often, as some other devotees are. Although I'm grateful for the few times that I have actually experienced it. But can you concentrate well? How does it leave you feeling?
Oh, and as for your other comment, it's done :)
Drainpiper, thanks :)
ReplyDeleteFirst thing, i don't have a chanting mala. So, i don't count. i just go on till i can concentrate, at least to the least possible extent.
It's been around a week when i have done it sincerely. i was going on and off before that, but now i have fixed myself up in the morning for that.
'The nectar of chanting'- i guess i am far away from. But, it leaves me a better, happier person.
i think of Krishna, and close my eyes, and chant more in the japa mode.
The problem is i get easily diverted, but i CAN get a mental picture of Krishna, and i am quite grateful to Him for that. i guess it is the grace of my Guru also, whom i salute everytime before i chant.
But i had a wonderful experience today. i went to the temple in the morning. i had been having some problems lately, and i said- ''ok, give me an appointment. i want to sit and talk it out with You." Ofcourse, i was kidding, and i never meant going to the temple, i had had the pooja room in my house in mind, but He blessed me with a wonderful darshan, and cleared all my doubts in the process. :)
The best part was when i was keeping pradarshans (circumbulating the temple). Mostly, i try to picturise Him, or hold a conversation with Him. But, those are vague attempts. Today, i had an amazing surge TO CHANT. So, i chanted, and chanted, and chanted in my mind. And, it was so wonderful because, that way, i could really connect with Him! i was half-chanting-half talking, and it was great! It felt so nice :)
i can't concentrate too hard because i guess i have a long way to go. But, it's really nice when i know i am calling out to Krishna, in my own small way. That's all that matters, for now :)
Tell me about you- what is it like when you chant?
i would really like to know how He inspires your chanting. :)
So inspiring!!! Simply wonderful!
ReplyDeletei always maintain it's easier to 'think' about Krishna and 'talk' about Him, and sing about Him.
But, chanting- it is well, tougher.
But, that's maybe because we make it so restricted.
Today, Krishna Himself showed me the way, by giving me a natural impulse to chant!
You don't even need to be thinking of Him when you start, as i found out. Take it like this: one minute of not thinking about Him, is one minute away from Him, one minute wasted. So, if we do get free time, let's just chant in our hearts. No rules, no regulations.
Let's not count how many times we are remembering His name, but let's imagine how many times we are not.
O Drainpiper! He's driving me mad now!!! Am getting all teary eyed as i write, but let's just do it. i was not planning on typing this, i just wasn;t truly.
Let's call out to Him!! :)
That's a nice way to think of it! Yes, that would certainly encourage me to chant a lot more!!
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for that!
The natural impulse to chant, you mentioned... Krishna once helped me realize that it's really important to chant because eventually, it will become so natural to call upon Him and in that way, at the time of death, in times of trouble, He will ALWAYS be on our minds! Krishna should always be the only thought we have! Krishna is inspiring me to pray now:
Our dear Lord, have mercy on us and always allow us to be absorbed in Your thoughts. Allow us to always chant Your name, sing Your praises and glorify You, our God, who is the epitome of Love. You may take my vision, but don't take away my sight of You, Lord. Krishna, please let us fall in love with You, in love with Your Holy Name, which conquers and rules over this entire universe! What to speak of illusions and evil spirits and demons, who flee at the mention of Your Name! Though You are the Lord of this Universe, and are unconquered, Your love for us is so great that You allow Yourself to be conquered by us. You are an ocean of mercy, my beautiful Lord. Let your mercy rain on us, Lord. Dwell in our hearts forever!
Hare Krishna, Drainpiper,
ReplyDeleteLovely to be here after what seems like ages. I apologize for infrequent visits and comments. I went through a rather difficult phase and felt 'ignored' by Krishna and of course - completely fell off the bhakti-path. Even coming here and reading about Him seemed hard to do - I felt it was almost as if Krishna and His Grace was for 'other people' and I am not fortunate enough to be incluided. It was hard and I was miserable and of course - I'm gradually finding my way back and have once again taken up chanting and praying.
A tiny miracle story - the other day I was in this pub and there was live music on. The place was packed and there was no place for us to sit. I was tired and would have really liked to sit. So I decided to chant - Om Namo Bhagvathe Vasudevaya, and within about ten minutes, a man sitting on a stool in front of me got up, turned to me and asked, 'Would you like to sit here' I almost cried with joy!
Krishna continously gives proof that He listens. But sometimes ignorant fools like me doubt His Grace.
I'm off to read the rest of your posts. So much to catch up on!
I had a very similar incident recently. The other evening, which was my chanting-time - I felt lazy and didnt want to chant. What I wanted to do was to have dinner (lentil soup) and watch a favourite actor's interview on Youtube. Would you believe it my soup didnt cook on time - I had to wait an extra ten minutes ( the time it takes for me to chant one round) for the soup to be ready. I had nothing to do - for those ten minutes! My God, I was so ashamed and angry at myself. How quickly Krishna showed me that chanting was important and it was something I needed to do.
ReplyDeleteHello ILWK ( *waves*)
ReplyDeleteYou and Drainpiper - are people I would call Bhakti-Shiromani's. People at the greatest height and epitome of devotion. You two are my Gurus!:-)
Heyy! Hare Krishna!
ReplyDeleteIt's nice to hear from you! I was just thinking a few days ago about how it's been a while since we last heard from you :)
So sorry to hear about things being rough. We all have our ups and downs. So I hope you're not being too hard on yourself. I have joined a new Bhagavad Gita Study Class and I told the teachers there about how my faith always wavers and stuff. They told me theirs did too, practically every week before the class. It made me feel a little better to know that even exalted devotees have their moments of weakness sometimes. The important thing is to have just a little bit of faith in Krishna :) Even that will work wonders. Jesus says that even if we have faith the size of a tiny mustard seed, we can move mountains. I am glad to hear that you didn't give up on Krishna, because He for sure will never give up on you :) Promise! It sounds cheesy to say this, but the times you are in difficulty and trouble would be the best time to chant and pray! It's hard to do it because the mind is so distracted, but relying on Krishna is the best solution, always! Just like how He gave you a place to sit, simply after you called out to Him :)
I can totally relate when you say that Krishna gives proof that He listens. The trouble is that I don't even see the proof - I still keep so much doubt in my heart and mind. I just pray that Krishna gives me such strong devotion and unwavering faith, so that I may be steady and never doubt Him. He is, after all, the dispeller of doubts.
This is my doubt, O Kṛṣṇa, and I ask You to dispel it completely. But for You, no one is to be found who can destroy this doubt. Bhagavad Gita, 6:39
Try to remember this the next time you feel doubts surfacing. And don't hesitate to ask Krishna, who is our friend, counsel and well-wisher :) He will guide you out of your doubt the way the pole star guides us north :) And if there is ever anything that I could serve you with, please feel free :)
He really likes to do that for some reason! Lol. It's okay, we're not complaining are we? :) That's exactly what happened to me. I needed to wait around 10 minutes as well, and that's usually approximately how long it takes for me to chant one round. Krishna loves it when we call out to Him. How I wish I could love calling out to Him a lot more than I do now!
ReplyDeleteAww! Thanks for the nice comment. I really appreciate it... However, I am a million miles away from being that! Really, I am :) It is only by Krishna's mercy, and through your Vaishnava eyes that you see others as such :) Thank you so much for your wonderful association. It is always, always, ALWAYS a delight to engage in conversation with devotees, especially one as inspiring as yourself! Krishna's hand is evident in your life, and that in-turn, is also something very inspiring :)
ReplyDeleteHare Krishna!
Drainpiper, i pray along with you. May our love for You forever increase, dearest Krishna. Keep us forever in the shelter of Your Lotus Feet, as Your surrendered slaves!
ReplyDeleteBeautiful reply, Drainpiper. Thanks! :)
@Ash: Wow! You are thinking as a Vaishnava does. Then, how do you say His grace is not for you? Even the lowliest of men beget His grace by just calling out once to Him. What to say of people like you?! Keep at Him, forever and ever! :) And, you'll always find Him with you. :)
ReplyDeleteComing back to your comment, i wish what you say was true. But, we are FAR, FAR, FAR, AWAY from that. And, i know Drainpiper agrees with me when i say this: we are nowhere near being what you so beautifully call us!
Though, it's quite flattering as an afterthought, and it would be lovely if it were true, as real Bhakta shiromanis can always connect with Him, and experience Him. Like Aandal :) And Ramanuja.
And, as Drainpiper would remind me, Lord Chaitanya :)
gr8 !! if bahkt call god, god will definitely come, for any thing u ask for....either for rescue, help or any other thing...from my experience. lord Krishna come to help drawpadi(krishna's frnd and) in Swayamwar , krishna's childhood frnd supama ,when he is in very poor condition, krishna leave his mahal, when he listen, that his chidhood frnd has,come to meet him..meeting of both (krishna and sudama ) that bring tears in my eyes...ask and get krishna
ReplyDeleteHaribol! Everything you said is just so true :)
ReplyDelete