Hey guys,
It's been a while! Just thought I'd update you all about what's going on with me right now.
I've recently started working. It's a 3-month internship at a large firm here in Dubai. The job is hectic and the pay is very very less, but I'm grateful because I'm getting to learn a lot and it's quite suitable for me considering my health.
On the first day of work, I wanted to quit because the washrooms were terrible. But luckily, I asked my friend about other washrooms in the vicinity and she directed me to one which is quite alright, thank God. It's obviously not up to my standards, but it's manageable. The fact that I am able to manage is very encouraging. I felt like most people thought I quit my previous job because it was all in my head, and my expectations and standards of hygiene are insanely high. People thought that rather than the equipment being the problem, my perceptions of everything was the problem. At one point, even I thought that it was just in my head and that OCD is getting in the way. However, now I am SURE that it is not my perception. The washrooms at my new office are more or less the 'normal' kind and function well. They are one of those funky designed ones that look so fancy, like at my previous job. And the fact of the matter is that I can handle it and I don't complain as much! This just proves to me that I am not insane and that in normal circumstances, I can really manage. Even if I didn't have OCD and had to use the washrooms in the previous office, I would have complained a lot. This is just so reassuring to me and makes me feel sane!
I take a long time when I visit the washroom but at least I feel relatively clean. And another amazing breakthrough I had since I started working is that now I can get out of the house without showering, which is something I haven't done in a year! I usually take about 1 - 1.5 hours to shower (yes I know, that is insanely long but I have many rituals to go through when I shower). So I have to be ready to leave for work by 6:45. In order to shower and have enough time to get ready and have breakfast, I would have to wake up at about 4 am. Then I would have to shower, and then go to work. And obviously, I will get dirty at work so I will have to shower again when I come back home. This would waste about 3-4 hours of my day everyday just showering. My skin is already chapped and wrinkly, and often sore with burns from strong soaps. My hair too would get weaker than it already is with the constant washing. So I figured I'd just shower at night right before bed. On the second day of work, I had showered before bed so when I woke up I was still feeling clean. Then I went to the washroom to freshen up and nothing went wrong, to my surprise. No water splashed on me, I didn't accidentally touch anything dirty, etc. so I decided not to shower! It was amazing! The feeling was amazing! Then I just showered when I came home from work and this is what I do now on most days. On some days when I feel dirty in the morning, I just simply take a body bath. This is also something I haven't done in a year! All of this is thanks to Krishna's mercy. A few months - no a few weeks ago, I wouldn't have even dreamed of taking only a body bath or going out of the house without showering first.
I am also now able to pick up things from the floor (without touching the floor), thanks to the exposure exercises I was doing on my own. Now I can even not care if my clothes touch the ground when I'm putting them on. All of these is truly amazing and I can hardly believe it. I am also wearing new clothes again. I had stopped wearing new clothes and simply wore my old, safe-to-wash clothes before because I was afraid of ruining my good clothes. I still wear only those clothes that can be safely washed but I'm making an effort to buy those clothes that look good too and won't get ruined in the washing machine. I have been shopping and trying on new clothes, which is something I haven't done in ages because of the fear of making them dirty. My counselor says I should be proud of myself because I have come a long way and now that I think of it, I actually really have. There is still a long way for me to go, but it is not as long as it used to be. And this is all thanks to Krishna, to my friends and family, and to all you dear devotees who supported me and prayed for me, so thank you :)
Another good thing is that in my office, most of the people are Indians/Hindus so I have the liberty to put up wallpapers and posters of Krishna at my desk which I have done with so much pleasure. I enjoy working and then looking over to my right and seeing Krishna's beautiful face smiling down at me :) Truly, His mercy knows no bounds. I was disheartened at taking this job because it is just an internship and the pay is so less, but my friend says that perhaps God wanted me to get this job so that my OCD would come under control and I would get used to working and then I would be able to handle other environments. Who knows? Krishna has His own plans for me and all I need to do is surrender to His will!
I just hope now that I either get a permanent job offer at this company soon, or that I get a good job after the duration of my internship in a company where the environment (i.e. the office washrooms lol) are good and suitable for me!
I am also working as a blog writer for a new company here in Dubai. This truly is a dream come true. I have been hoping and waiting for a chance to do some official writing and get my name published. In University, I had hoped of publishing papers in collaboration with University professors but never got an opportunity. Now finally, I can WRITE! I am so thrilled about this and so thankful to God for this! It is an unpaid job, but I don't really care because I really want to make a name out of myself in the writing world!
Until next time, everyone! :)
Hare Krishna!
