I'm pretty sure most of you will be able to relate when I say I don't remember what it's like to feel normal anymore; I have no idea what normal people would do in given situations, how they would react to things, and their perception of things. I have forgotten simple things like washing my hands, using the bathroom, taking a shower, picking up something off the floor, putting on pants, putting on socks... Who even thinks when performing these actions? It's all done so subconsciously, right? But for those of us with OCD, simple behaviors require tremendous thinking, planning and finally, execution. And by execution, I don't just mean execution of the action. I also mean EXECUTION! as in "Off with yer head!" It makes me feel like I'm going to die! It kills me to perform these actions! Why on earth is it so stressful?!
Here are some of the thoughts that run through my head when I wash my hands:
Thursday 16 June 2011
Friday 3 June 2011
OCD: "Thought Records"
In my first counseling session, I was just told to try to relax and take some of the pressure off. I needed to sleep better, and avoid tiring and stressing myself out. So after telling me that it was okay to feel the way I was feeling and do the things I was doing, I was told that I needed to take some steps to get better. I needed to realize that I ought to stop, but not suddenly as that would put too much pressure on me, which is what I had been doing by trying to force myself to stop. That's why the counselor kept insisting that it was all okay for me to be like this. I needed to take small steps. Baby steps. Itsy bitsy baby steps. If I tried to run when I couldn't even walk, I'd be flat on the ground.
In the next session, I was given these sheets to fill out, called "Thought Records." It contained the following 4 questions:
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