When I first met my counselor, I was under tremendous stress. The fact that things got so unbearable was what pushed me to set an appointment with the counselor. I was crying after showers, after using the washroom, if my towel fell on the floor... My life had just stopped. I just felt like everything was dirty all the time. I felt like everything had been put on hold. And the 2 simple words the counselor told me just took the stress off.
"It's okay."
It's okay. IT'S OKAY. Damn right, it's okay! Why shouldn't it be okay? After days and weeks and months of struggling with trying to be superclean, and telling myself to just stop washing my hands so much, stop trying to clean so much, to just be normal... just hearing that it was okay to be the way I was being made me feel so much better.
Saturday 21 May 2011
Friday 20 May 2011
OCD: The Beginning
I have 'Contamination OCD' and so, I am deathly afraid of germs and getting dirty. I am not afraid of getting ill or getting a disease. I just simply don't like the "ick" factor. I don't like the feeling of being 'dirty'. I am very concerned about cross-contamination as well, so basically, if A is dirty and it comes into contact with B, and then B comes into contact with C, then C is also dirty.
I find washrooms, bins, floors, shoes, and washing machines repulsive.
When I feel dirty, I start to feel very anxious and I have to clean as soon as possible, or else I won't be able to think about or do anything else until I have cleaned. I panic and stress out a lot when I feel dirty, which results in me crying, feeling upset, and sometimes, hitting something (usually myself). I wash my hands repeatedly and shower for a very long time. I use tons of cleaning/sanitizing products and I cannot imagine doing without them anymore.
All of this began some months ago, sometime in November-December 2010. Somehow, I kept feeling drops of water splashing on me (when there was water running and even when there wasn't). It would make me feel dirty and I would end up washing my hands and arms again and again.
I find washrooms, bins, floors, shoes, and washing machines repulsive.
When I feel dirty, I start to feel very anxious and I have to clean as soon as possible, or else I won't be able to think about or do anything else until I have cleaned. I panic and stress out a lot when I feel dirty, which results in me crying, feeling upset, and sometimes, hitting something (usually myself). I wash my hands repeatedly and shower for a very long time. I use tons of cleaning/sanitizing products and I cannot imagine doing without them anymore.
All of this began some months ago, sometime in November-December 2010. Somehow, I kept feeling drops of water splashing on me (when there was water running and even when there wasn't). It would make me feel dirty and I would end up washing my hands and arms again and again.
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder
I went to the psychiatrist a week ago, after going through a few days of horrible stress and anxiety. The psychiatrist diagnosed me with OCD, and he also said some stuff that I totally don't believe. He said I was going to have OCD forever! No way, dude. He said my case was really severe, which it isn't. I would say it's at a moderate level. Even my therapist said that it's not that severe. I felt like he was exaggerating my situation. He prescribed medication but I'm not willing to take them because of the awful side effects. Therapy seems to be working fine for me so I'm going to stick to that.
I plan to post entries about my experiences with OCD, and about the extremely helpful advice that my counsellor gives me, so that others can perhaps also benefit from it.
I plan to post entries about my experiences with OCD, and about the extremely helpful advice that my counsellor gives me, so that others can perhaps also benefit from it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)