It's Been A While

I haven't logged on to this blog for a very long time, as you can tell. I had forgotten about it. Somehow today I randomly remembered that I used to maintain this blog on a regular basis. I logged in, and saw a few unapproved comments asking where I'd been, messages leaving words of support and encouragement. That was all I needed to push me to write this post. Thank you to everyone who wrote to me! Even if I haven't approved/replied to your comment yet, I will definitely read them.

I apologise for not maintaining this blog and following through with the plans I had for it. The direction my life was going in had changed, and thus my lifestyle had changed. Let's pick up where we left off :)

My spiritual beliefs have matured over the past few years. I found Krishna at a very dark time in my life, and he was the hand that pulled me out of the mess I was in. Back then, I was feeling a lot of pressure from people around me to convert to a different faith. I dove deep into study about Hinduism, which led me to Krishna, and I began to appreciate all that I learned about him.

After a while though, I felt like I was being influenced by some of the devotees around me. I felt like in some little ways, I was lying to myself and pretending to be okay with things I didn't necessarily agree with. I felt like I was starting to get brain-washed, and it started to feel very cult-like.

In Psychology, this is called ingroup-outgroup bias. I started feeling like other devotees and me were better and more superior than others. I was going down a path I didn't like and it was all happening so subconsciously. I slowly started to distance myself from them. It felt like I was leaving my group meetings with questions, dissonance, and doubts, rather than happiness.

Fast forward to today. In the months I spent away, I studied spirituality and religion, focusing on the essence of it, on the goodness of it. Judging teachings for myself based on ethical values and benefits. I have been meditating, turning inwards, and reading about spirituality in my spare time. I don't chant anymore because I found that it was more detrimental to my spiritual growth. It wasn't working for me and I felt like it was more of a chore than a pleasure.

These days, I am studying about the Law of Attraction and vibrational energies. While I do not engage in traditionally devotional activities anymore, Krishna still holds a very special place in my life, and I often feel wonderment when I think about him. The Bhagavad Gita is still my favourite scripture. I always said that if I were of a different faith and wanted to convert, I would pick Vaishnavism or Buddhism without a doubt.

Do you have any ideas about topics you would like me to cover? This blog is not going to be as reverent as it used to be, but it will be incredibly appreciative of Krishna, because let's face it, he's really cool :) If you have any ideas, share them in the comments!