OCD: Lesson #1 - Take The Pressure Off

When I first met my counselor, I was under tremendous stress. The fact that things got so unbearable was what pushed me to set an appointment with the counselor. I was crying after showers, after using the washroom, if my towel fell on the floor... My life had just stopped. I just felt like everything was dirty all the time. I felt like everything had been put on hold. And the 2 simple words the counselor told me just took the stress off.

"It's okay."

It's okay. IT'S OKAY. Damn right, it's okay! Why shouldn't it be okay? After days and weeks and months of struggling with trying to be superclean, and telling myself to just stop washing my hands so much, stop trying to clean so much, to just be normal... just hearing that it was okay to be the way I was being made me feel so much better.

The counselor, let's call her Jane, told me that I should stop telling myself to just stop. I had only realized at that time that my compulsions were much much worse when I was stressed out and tired, and if I hadn't slept much the previous night. This was practically the case everyday around then. Jane told me that I needed to stop putting so much pressure on myself. I needed to take it easy because it was understood that stress was making it worse. By telling myself that I needed to "stop right now" I was actually putting more pressure on myself. She said, "Wash your hands. If you feel like they're still dirty, wash them again. That's okay. No problem at all."

Jane told me that it's all pretty much stress-related. Stress generally makes the OCD worse. When I'm under pressure, instead of washing just 3 times for example, I will end up washing about 9 times. So the first thing I needed to know was that it's okay. Jane told me that I should just try to relax, and take it easy for now. I didn't have to change in a day. I wouldn't be able to do that even if I tried. This is a gradual process. Battling OCD is a long, slow war so getting over it in a day is not going to happen even in my wildest dreams. So for now, the important thing is to relax and to get rid of whatever is stressing me out.

After I got my stress levels down, things got a little easier. When I told Jane about how I kept feeling water splashing on me from the sink while I washed my hands which would make me wash them again and again, she asked me, "Is it really so bad if water splashes on you? Is it really that bad?" I found that later that day, when I went to wash my hands, I found myself asking if it really was that bad. Was it really so bad that I had to start crying, go into a frenzy, and have a panic attack over it? No, it really wasn't that bad at all! So I washed my hands but I still felt dirty so I washed them again, telling myself that it was okay. Jane told me it was okay, so I could wash again. I then started to realize that I the stress was getting lesser and lesser and even if I got dirty or messy by accident, it didn't seem so bad. The point was to get my stress levels down because at the time, the pressure was really getting to me. I wanted to stop but I just couldn't and Jane wanted me to relax a little. I hadn't been sleeping well either, which may have been related to the stress and anxiety. The lack of sleep in turn led to more stress and anxiety, sucking me into a vicious circle.

Jane called me for meditation workshops in order to help me sleep better. She told me to do some deep breathing (breathe in deeply through your stomach. Your stomach should move outward as you inhale and inward as you exhale. They should be long, deep breaths held for a few seconds as you inhale, hold, and then exhale). The workshop I went for was about Mindfulness Meditation. In brief, it's about concentrating on each of your body parts and trying to see what that part is feeling, the sensations in it, around it, etc. I also tried this method called, 'The Art of Gratitude'. Basically, whenever you find yourself feeling anxious, you stop what you're doing and you think about all the things you're grateful for. So all of these really helped me relax and sleep better, as well as cope with some anxiety. Within a short while of practicing all of this, my stress had considerably reduced and I was having panic/anxiety attacks less often, and crying a lot lesser. Being relaxed meant that I was able to fight off the OCD thoughts in a much better way and I was better able to resist compulsions.

To summarize, the first important lesson I learned was to get rid of the stress. You could try to observe your activities, behaviors and moods and see if stress is a trigger for you, and what is causing that stress. Once I reduced the stress, I was be able to think clearer, and that made it easier to fight off OCD thoughts. Obviously, it's not advisable for anyone to keep saying, "It's okay," and keep engaging in compulsive behavior. But I think it's important to know that in the beginning. Like I said, the important thing is to get the stress down and telling yourself that it's okay can help bring it down and keep you calm when you face something that triggers your anxiety. The plan was to first learn how to cope with the initial stress, and then realize that I needed to get a hold on things.